Lazarus

on my good days, i liken myself to a water faucet:

slowly dripping out the very thing that keeps me alive

& i have died but am not dead.

//am i -

am i here to be ruined?//

i would love to be ruined if it means i am sacred enough to be kept close. to be the familiar.

& someone wants me home.

i have died but am not dead

[am i lazarus?]

4 days dead & returned from the grave. i was 6 days dead & restored again

[i am lazarus]

with two more days to call a miracle. i have been called a miracle so often i think people have forgotten what it means to be sacred.

they wept //slowly dripping out the very thing that kept us alive//

on my bad days, i liken myself to death. i know this is not good but i must for if i do not have death to fear than surely i cannot be called human?

& i am both lazarus & the grave that he keeps.

& i am both the breath & the body that it leaves.

i live in my grave-clothes; so lonely, but not alone,

& although i live, someone really wants me home.